Memento Mori on My 31st Birthday
Memento Mori is a Latin phrase that translates into English to mean “remember, you must die.” A rather morbid, almost threatening, sentence when read on its own. It’s the kind of thing you could imagine a horror movie villain writing on the wall in blood to scare a group of meddling kids. This would work in a movie because the threat of death is frightening to most people. The thought of death opens doors in our memories that lead down cold hospital corridors, where we held the hands of loved ones as they breathed for the last time. It saddens people to think of those memories, or to think of themselves eventually playing the part of the person lying in the bed. So, we hide the idea of death deep in our minds and choose not to think about it. We chain it up, like a monster, and bury it in the dark basement of our subconscious. Only when we fully embrace memento mori do we finally unshackle the monster and invite it upstairs to chat in the light of day. This is when we learn that death is not some scary monster. We do not have to cower from it. In fact, the thought of death can become a weapon that empowers you.
If you were to die tomorrow, would you look back on today and be proud? Did you work as hard as you could on something you were passionate about? Did you avoid letting anger and resentment prevent you from enjoying every breath in your lungs? Did you tell the people in your life who are important to you that you love them? Hopefully the answer to all of those questions is yes, but chances are it is not, chances are that you would look back and feel pangs of regret in your heart. Perhaps it was another day of your life where you found yourself idle, or resentful, or dispassionate. Maybe you showed anger where you could have showed compassion, or found yourself wallowing in self-pity when you could have taken action. Any of these regrets you might have about today are okay, because the odds are in your favor that this will not be your last day. Most people will wake up tomorrow and live another day, but it is important to treat today like you will not. Make today what matters, not promise made about tomorrow. Tomorrow is not promised, today is all you own.
Viktor Frankl wrote a book entitled Man’s Search for Meaning after being imprisoned in a Nazi death camp during the Holocaust. In as terrible a situation as a human being could find themselves in, Frankl managed to survive. How did he do this? Sheer luck surely played a part, but part of it was a conscious choice that he himself made. Frankl wrote that the men he saw in the camp who lost their will to live simple died, and the men who decided to live did not. Can matters of life and death truly be so simple? Frankl pondered that finding a purpose for your life was paramount to living. Frankl found a reason to get up in the morning each day. A reason that he should live through the evils around him. If in so bleak a circumstance man can find meaning, then in the struggles of daily life purpose can be found hiding in plain sight.
The world will never cater to your whims or desires. Society does not jump at your beck and call. The universe will beat you down every day if you allow it to do so, but the ability to take control of your life does exist. Your life can be controlled by understanding and mastering the space that is created in-between outside stimulus and response. This is where the quality of your life is determined. Imagine something bad happens. A car crash, or you are diagnosed with a serious illness, someone you love is rude to you. Before you react to these events, there is a space. It may be a small space, but all of your thoughts, feelings, and actions are generated in this space. Familiarizing yourself with that space and learning to control it is all that matters. You are diagnosed with an illness, of course it is natural to be scared or anxious, but remembering that we are born only to return to dust, and that life is a gift can help. Taking a moment before allowing anxiety to overcome you to remember that in the present moment you are alive and are loved may help. Emotions are not harmful, but overwhelming negative emotions can kill us.
As the Serenity Prayer goes, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Accepting the world for the way that it is, not the way you think it should be, or believe you deserve, is the key to a good life. The person you bump into who is rude to you might be rushing to the emergency room to see their child who fell and is hurt, or they just might be a jerk. What good does your anger towards their rudeness do? It will not brighten your mood; it can only lead to more negative clouds of emotion. We dwell on those emotions and remember them throughout the day, bringing annoyance and hurt in the present into our futures. This minor negative moment has the chance to derail a great day and serve no purpose or benefit to you while doing so. Instead of allowing anger into your heart, greet that rudeness with a smile.
This philosophy does not require perfection. You might wake up every day and fail, but your life can be made better by remembering some simple things. Memento mori is there to remind you how quickly life can be extinguished, and the importance of living life to the fullest of your potential every day. Thinking of the space between stimulus and response can control your emotions and elevate your outlook in life. Accepting the world as it is and not longing for things you cannot control to change can calm the troubled waters of your mind. Allow the thought of death to be a call to action. Death hovers behind us, over our shoulders, and as the pace of our run through life slows it will overtake us. Accept this inevitability and do not fear it. Do not put off till tomorrow what can be done today. Start writing, take the trip you have always wanted, pet the cat, be nice to other people, do not allow your ego to hold onto slights and fall into resentment. Admire the stoics and study their wisdom. If Marcus Aurelius or Seneca appears too daunting, just think of Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, “Carpe Diem.” Seize the day.
